I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
