3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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