My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
