i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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