Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
And then he peed in my hair
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