I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
