If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
