I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
