I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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