ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
her vagine was all disorganized.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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