my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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