She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
