Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
