so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
