what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
