Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
In other news, I just burned my penis
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
