Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
