She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
