How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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