What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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