It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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