dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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