I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
