Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
