the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
