tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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