How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
