all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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