Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
