You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
