its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm really busy with my period
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