Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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