My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
