im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
FUCK WHALES
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
