my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
