I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
