her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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