When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
