$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
