Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
