angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
