It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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