..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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