I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
