he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
