I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
