I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
