dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So squirting runs in the family.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
