I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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