haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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